Posted in anxiety, stress

Anxiety- You Don’t Control Me Anymore


I haven’t written a blog for a long time for my own website. But several people have asked me to write this one.

Last week, was Bell’s #LetsTalk mental health awareness campaign. I meant to have this written well before then. But writing about your own personal issues is hard. Especially ones that come with a stigma.

I have anxiety- and I’ve been taking medication to help control it for years. I’m not ashamed I take medication, it was either take pills, or feel panicked all the time.

I still have anxious times, but nowhere the level it used to be. Some things, like large crowds still trigger me. Especially if I feel closed in amungst a bunch of strangers. I don’t go near malls in December, and I go to places like Disney in off seasons.

I was originally put on medication because I have an irregular and rapid heart beat- and my anxiety makes my heart act up even more. Feeling my heart race like that made me even more anxious. A vicious circle.

I’ve been coping much better over the last year or so. I’m down to the lowest dosage of my medication at last. The hardest part is getting fully OFF anxiety medications. I tried to go too far in between doses too fast, and I ended up having withdrawals. (Yes, I’m under care of a doctor, along with advice from a pharmacist- I’m in no way suggesting anyone attempt to go off long-term medication on their own.)

After a week of attempting to go forty-eight hours in between doses, and having terrible headache, dizziness, and mood swings I opted to try every thirty-six hours instead. I’m feeling like my head is much less foggy this week, although I’m still having some ups and downs. I know it will take several weeks, if not months to completly wean off of my medications- and that’s okay.

However, the part about all of this that’s not okay, and I’ve dealt with first hand is the main reason I had to write this. Mental illness of any kind is not in our head, and we can’t “just get over it.” Or how about “What do you have to be anxious about anyway?” Saying so to a person suffering from anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness makes them feel like shit. If we could stop feeling this way on our own, we would.

When my anxiety is at it’s worse I feel like I’m drowning, but only I can feel the water fill my lungs. I’m learning to cope, but others aren’t so lucky. I know many who suffer from various forms of mental illness. It took me a lot to write this and put myself out there like this. All I ask is for a little more understanding. You have no idea what another person may be going though, so don’t be so quick to judge.



Posted in stress

Life’s Little Annoyances

Are there little things in your life that can just drive your around the bend? Stupid things? Here a few of the little things that can tick me right off. I’d love to hear yours.

1. The slippery spot on the hardwood floor from the last time you dusted- weeks ago. Yes, furniture polish cleans your table well- but the teeniest bit of overspray can turn an invisible patch on your floor into a death trap. Of course, I always manage to find that tiny spot & go flying.

The humanity!
The humanity!

2. Cheap plastic wrap. Just went through this. Hubby nearly lost his mind every time he’d go to use the cheap wrap I bought. The cutter tore the plastic into shreds. I finally remembered to buy decent plastic wrap this week and threw out that cheap stuff!

3. Certain food smells. There are some things that just are awful smelling, such at burnt popcorn (seems to linger for days) or a rotten potato (always the last place I look)

4. GPS that tries to kill you. Okay- maybe this one is just me. But on more than one occasion, my GPS has told me to turn the wrong way on a one-way street, or turn where there is a median. I recently changed to my cell phone’s GPS instead- and it lead me down a road that’s been closed for months.

5. People who park like idiots. You know the ones I mean- the ones who think it’s okay to park on sidewalks, take up four spaces with, park in handicapped spaces when they aren’t eligible to do so.

6. Speaking of cars- people who follow me too closely, when I’m already speeding and they could easily pass may annoy me the most of all.

7. Black ice- much like furniture polish overspray. Driveway looks bare- but I’ll be sure to find that 2-inch square of invisible ice and land on my ass.

No end in sight…

8. Finding the end of a roll of tape. Every. Single. Time. Many a roll have been thrown in frustration and anger when the end morphs into the rest of the roll.

9. Ear worms- how is it that it’s usually the most annoying songs that get stuck in your head? For days? Like the day Boom played a clip of Eddie Murphy’s Party All The Time? That one stuck for 2 entire days.

BTW- it’s apparently my 3rd year anniversary of this blog. Many thanks to those of you who read my works, and especially those of you who share or comment. You can look back at my very first post if you’d like here. I’d proud to say I can see how much I’ve grown as a writer in just 3 years & can’t wait to grow even more.

Posted in family, food, friends, stress, writer

This is the mandatory time of year where one is supposed to reflect on their past year, note all their failings and make resolutions to do better next year. I’ll admit, I used to buy into that too. I used to write up a list every single year at the end of December and get frusturated by early spring I wasn’t achieving my lofty goals.
notes-514998_1280Several years ago, though I realized a few things. One, my list of goals was much too long. If I recall correctly one such list was 3/4 of a page long. Totally unrealistic. No wonder I failed every year.
Also, some of my goals were just way too great to accomplish in a single year. Get out of debt? Back when I was single and working just above minimum wage? Ha!

Lose weight? A good goal for sure- but I never made a plan as to how to to get to that goal. So I’d fail.

These days, I make more of a plan for what I’d like to accomplish in the coming year. Like my writing for example. The last year I really seemed to loose my drive- not 100% sure why, but with a little help and encouragement of one writer friend in particular, I started writing again. Only very recently.

Happy New Year!

Funny thing is- once I started writing again some other things just kind of fell into place. I’m not sharing what those are quite yet, but I’m thrilled with the recent changes that have happened. All because a friend gave me a shove.

Resolutions get broken. Goals with a path- thats the key. I now have a much clearer path in mind of how to accomplish several of my goals in the coming months and year. I’m sure there may be sharp rocks or thorns along the way, but I have ideas in mind on how to deal with some of those too.

Watch out 2015- here I come!

Posted in medical, pets, stress, summer, writer

It was Funny- Until the Rabies Shots Started (Part 2)

For Part One of this blog, click HERE.

The morning after my ferrel cat encounter my arm began to redden and swell.  By that afternoon, the redness had spread so much I

Infection spreading over 48 hours
Infection spreading over 48 hours

knew I needed to see a doctor.  Luckily, I was able to get in that evening, and start on antibiotics right away.   The punctures healed, but almost a month later and I still have two small lumps of scar tissue left behind in my arm.  Oh well.

Fast forward from July 2nd, to when I saw the doctor to this past Wednesday.  I received a voice mail from my doctor’s office, asking me to book an appointment for follow-up on my cat injury.  Honestly, as my arm had healed I didn’t even plan on calling back.  But then they called again.  I missed the call, and the voice mail said THE BOARD OF HEALTH wanted me to see my doctor right away.

I called back the following morning, and the receptionist told me the Board of Health wanted me to discuss getting rabies shots with my doctor.  I groaned, and booked an appointment for that evening.    Within two hours though, a man from the Board of Health called to discuss the matter with me.

Rabies is most often caused by bites, it’s true.  However, IF the cat happened to lick its paw just before clawing me, it was remotely possible that I could have contracted rabies from the cat.  Reluctantly, I agreed to get the shots, as rabies is FATAL for humans.  (in searching on-line I was only able to find a very, very few cases of people who had survived the virus- and that was only by induced coma)

The Board of Health was concerned enough to HAND DELIVER a letter to me at my home personally, very strongly suggesting I get the shots.  I saw my doctor that evening, and was weighed so the Board of Health could be notified to get the serum hand delivered the following day.  (The amount of serum is based on your weight)

On Thursday, I visited my doctor once the serum had been delivered.  Seven 2 ml vials of immunoglobulin,  plus another vial of the actual rabies vaccine needed to be given to me that day.  Rabies vaccines need to be administered on day 0, 3, 7 and between day 21 and 28.  These are just small shots though, and barely hurt.  I needed a total of 3 shots Thursday, (2 with immunoglobulin, 1 with the vaccine)  Tomorrow though (day 3) I’ll just get one.  I’m so glad the days of daily shots for two weeks in the abdomen are in the past!

Thursday's shots (3 total)
Thursday’s shots (3 total)

Although it’s highly unlikely I actually contracted this fatal disease, I’m happy to be better safe than sorry.  As as side note, the Board of Health contacted my doctor’s office immediately after receiving documentation about my cat scratch.  There was a delay in it being reported from my doctor’s office, as I was the last appointment of the day, and my file didn’t get sent as it should have.  No harm done, though and my doctor was very upset & apologetic about the delay.

For more info on rabies in Canada, I found the best, most up-to date info at The Public Health Agency of Canada’s website.

Posted in family, medical, pets, stress, summer, writer

It Was Funny- Until The Rabies Shots Started (Part One)

It’s the story of maybe one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.  It’s the story of how everyone around me laughed when I told them the story, and even me.  However, as I start my round of rabies shots I’m no longer laughing.

On July second I awoke at four a.m. to the sounds of cats yowling.  Sounded like a cat fight, so I dashed down the stairs, in the dark, without my glasses on.  Cat The Cat was sitting on his cat perch in the dining room, all puffed up and staring out the window.  I peered out into the darkness and saw two cat eyes staring back at me, on the front porch railing.

Let me point out here my outdoor lights are on a nightly timer, so weren’t on at this hour.  All I could see was a smallish dark cat, that

My cat, Nemo who looks black in the dark
My cat, Nemo who looks black in the dark

mewed back at me.  It sounded just like my female cat, Nemo, and was about the same size.  (Nemo is a tortoiseshell)  Here’s where my stupidity comes in;  I opened the door and called “my” cat back into the house.  The dark cat ran right in- and up the stairs.  Nemo NEVER goes upstairs.

So, when that black cat ran directly up the stairs I was suddenly filled with dread.   I had let a strange cat into our home!  My husband was at work, my kids were asleep.  It took me over half an hour to finally corner it in my dining room, on the table with treats.  I realized this must be a ferrel cat when all three of my cats didn’t even attempt to chase it out of our home.  Not even Cat The Cat, who has beaten up two large dogs.

In a final, over tired attempt to remove the black cat from my home, I stupidly tried to pick it up to toss it out the closest door.  That’s when the ferrel cat attacked me with a swipe of its paw, causing two deep punctures, and one shallow one on my right arm.

Hours after my cat wound
Hours after my cat wound

On the plus side, the cat immediately launched off the table and dashed out the front door after the attack.  However, I was now bleeding quite a fair amount from the wounds.  I ran to the kitchen, and washed my arm as well as I could and then spraying my arm liberally with hydrogen peroxide.

Needless to say, when I called my husband at work at nearly 5 a.m. to let him know I had been attacked by a feral cat, that I had let into our home on purpose he laughed.   In fact, I laughed too- until the infection set in, and later the board of health contacted me to get rabies shots…

To be continued in part two

Posted in Facebook, family, friends, parenting, pets, stress, writer

Things I’d Love to Say To Strangers

Have you ever seen a stranger do something that just made your blood boil so much your wanted to say something, but didn’t? I may not have said any of the following out loud, but this is the next best thing:

Dear guy in the orange and black sports car who flew past me and my daughters on the 407 so fast it shook our car and you disappeared from site in mere seconds:3797814-orange-sponge-isolaed-over-white

It must be awesome to be so cool to drive in such a manner that if you lose control they will have to clean you up with a sponge, that or hope you like your car being impounded, idiot!

P1030626To the people who complain endlessly about their ‘horrid’ children on social media:

First of all, you ought to be happy you can HAVE children, when so many cannot. What are you going to tell your child when they are old enough to get their own Facebook account and see you complained about them almost daily to the world? How is that going to make them feel?  Also, if your kids are so horrible- have you considered who’s raising them?

Dear lady in the checkout line at Wal Mart, talking loudly on your cell phone:

Cashiers are people too.  I can’t get over how often I see this.  I know, people are incredibly rude by interrupting your oh-so-important conversation by asking how you’d like to pay for your purchases, but COME ON!  Be considerate of others.

To the various strangers who have stopped to tell my friend, who happens to be a mom to four children, aged infant-seven; ‘boy you sure have your hands full’:

Really?  Do you have a degree in pointing out the obvious?   How about CONGRATULATING  her on being an awesome mom, especially when she’s out in public with all four.  Most people only seem to have one or two kids these days, because it’s a LOT of work.  I think she’s amazing for doing it.

To the countless morons I see texting or talking while driving:

There are LAWS against this.  For good reason, too.  Sadly, I’m betting one day when you look down at your cell you’ll hit a bunch of kids crossing the road, and remain uninjured.  I put you in the same category a a drunk driver, you ought to be ashamed of yourself- is your call/text really worth someone’s LIFE?

Behind: The road
He’s PARKED right in the “entrance/exit” driveway!

To the guy who parked IN the driveway to a gas bar/fast food stop:

There were dozens of free spaces, several just a few feet from where parked.  Wow, I didn’t realize I was in the presence of royalty!  Must be nice to be so superior to others that you can park where ever you’d like.   Don’t worry, I’ll just pull around you and squeeze by ya jerk!

To the many people who allow their dogs to run free in children’s parks:

You may tell my “Oh my dog loves kids, he’s okay.”  but what about my kid, who’s afraid of dogs?  Just because your dog is “nice” shouldn’t mean he get gets free reign of a children’s park.  (I’ve even seen people allow their dogs to climb ON the play structures)  You can bet if your dog bites or even snaps at my kid, you best be running!

photo copy 2

Posted in Canadian winter, Disney World, family, stress, travel, writer

Is There A Vacation Curse?

This was a joy to dig out!

Last week, my family and I finally got away from the huge dumping of snow that hit  a large area on February 8th.  My poor car ended up being buried in about a foot and a half of snow.

I honestly don’t recall getting that much snow in many years now.  Busses were cancelled, and many schools got closed.  (Not our school though, although I still kept all my kids home for the day)

This was not one of the vacation curses I was referring to though. Back in 2004, my friend, who is also a believer in the curse watched in disbelief when her brother-in-law broke his car key OFF in the ignition.  This blocked all the other Newfoundland tourists in!

photoIn 2009, just two days before my husband and I escaped on our second honeymoon our vacuum died.   As we had two cats at the time, a vacuum is a necessity, so out we had to go, while we should have been packing to buy a new vacuum.

Last year, my same friend had their washing machine suddenly fry just before their vacation to Quebec.  Not a big issue for many about to head out on a week-long summer get-away, but when you have a tenant who uses your washer and dryer as well, it’s more of an urgent matter.

Out with the old...
Out with the old…

Two weeks ago, just before leaving for Disney World our water softener stopped working.  We knew when we bought this house it would have to be replaced in the future, but didn’t plan on it dying right before our trip. As we were leaving in only a couple of days, we thought it would be best to turn the water softener off and replace it once we returned.

On the morning we were to leave for Buffalo, my five-year old car refused to start.  Wonderful.  Luckily, my husband managed to get the battery to work for our trip.  Oddly enough, we also had no issues starting my car a week later at Buffalo airport.

However, this week again my car just wouldn’t turn over.  Ended up having to install a new battery the same day we installed the new water softener.  (Am I ever lucky my husband is handy!)

So is there anything to this “vacation curse”, or have my friend and I just experienced a lot of bad luck at travel times?  Would love to hear any crazy vacation curse stories you may have.

The curse is worth this though...
The curse is worth this though…